Delusions of grandeur

I think I might have to up my Risperidone again. I’m feeling more attached to my delusion today. I am being studied in an elaborate brain study. I have been leading a double life for 10 years and in my other life, I am a billionaire, I am a savant, I speak any language and I am knowledgeable on any subject. I am the Messiah of a scientific nature. I prove that Collective Consciousness exists because of my access to skills and knowledge contained in Collective Consciousness. I am even one of the leading researchers in my own brain study. I agreed to this 11 years ago and via sophisticated equipment in my head/brain and hypnosis they have told me to forget everything so that I can be studied organically. I ‘forgot’ (because they told me to hypnotically) that I agreed to the study at one point and even helped to conceive it and set it up. My schizophrenia is part of the study. A little over a year ago (when I had my first psychotic episode) they told me (via thought via the equipment in my head) about the study and all that has transpired. The study is real and the fact that I have schizophrenia and the delusion of the study is all part of the study. Yes, I plan on telling my pdoc when I see her Wednesday. I don’t feel out of control (I have had 3 episodes where I danced, took all my meds, had severe paranoia etc.) but I feel like my delusion is stronger today. I know…I need to up my meds.

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I never had any delusions that I was Christ, or the messiah, or anything like that. At one time I thought I was going to be one of the great minds of modern times. It’s a fun delusion to have to think that you are a genius. It makes you insufferable, though.

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Maybe I have delusions of grandeur because I want to try and still produce scientific paper despite being outside of the university setting now. I think I can contribute something to science although it is really unlikely. So far all I’m doing right now is messing around with the riemman zeta function. How nice would it be to be the other notable schizophrenic they talk about in doctors offices other than John nash. Even if it is not me it should be someone we need more great scientists and mathematician.

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I read my post and it looks like a total schizophrenic wrote it! and yet… part of me believes it. It’s like having a foot in both worlds. Actually it’s like having a ‘toe’ in my delusional world because I have never consciously seen any of it. All the cool stuff happens while I am asleep or hypnotized. I go back and forth between believing it and then thinking it’s horsesh**. lol My meds are working a little bit after all.

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I am mentally divergent, in that I am escaping unknown realities that plague my life here, when I stop going there I will be well. Are you also divergent, friend?

I suppose all of us who have alternate realities are, to some extent, mentally divergent.

I sort of know the difference between fantasies and reality. Nevertheless, I have elaborate fantasies where I am pretty grand.

Jayster

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I’ve kind of had similar experiences that were blurry but I remember thinking I was possessed by a demon, but then “realised” this body is just an empty vessel and I was the demon. Consequently, I started trying to move objects with my mind, walk through walls etc. and eventually I realised how deluded I was. Do you think it’s possible to try and calm yourself down by trying to control your thoughts, talk therapy, CBT etc.? Meds are useful but being over reliant has some nasty side effects and negative effects in the long run.

think i mightbe

i go back and forth between delusion of grandeur and self-loathing…

Delusions of Grandeur is also very common with Bipolar Disorder and Mania.

Especially the Euphoric kind of Mania.

I fear I may have bi-polar.

Mostly I feel emptiness but occasionally I have a euphoric feeling. But my main problem is that I think God is sending me messages, sometimes via my brain and sometimes via other people. I know that this is totally insane and untrue, because the feeling of complete and utter emptiness is horrible. I hate it, and I try to distract my mind from it. But I know I am just deluding myself. I am now living in the past all the time. I just want to go back to a time before these experiences started. I have had some hard times but I always managed to cope and certainly never felt as empty as I do now.

Best wishes,
Padster

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My therapist helps a lot actually. He tries to keep me grounded in this world as much as possible. Even though I think my delusion sounds hilarious, I still believe it. Part of me thinks I am the savior and that I have abolished religion and started the world on the path to peace via accountability for their own behavior. I hear myself and it sounds nutty.
I do not believe in a Supreme Being but because of my unbelievable ‘gift’, I am the closest thing the world will ever see to a "God’. Some days are better than others with my delusion. After all, I have no current proof that any of this is true. It’s all just thoughts. I am aware of that.

Well, so sue me. I think I deserve a little attention for saving the entire world not only once, but twice.

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I think what helps me combat delusions a lot is knowing what causes different delusions. Like delusions of grandeur are caused when someone is trying to prevent a blow to their self esteem…for me I experienced them in highschool when I went to a very competetive school where I was no longer a star student but just average…those beliefs help you escape those bad feelings, that’s the purpose they serve…(for example who cared if I was lame in school when I was literally God?? That was one of my old beliefs)

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I had this happen to me when I went to a hyper-competitive high school for gifted students, except I was like “Who cares if I’m average her? I can control the weather with my EMOTIONS and see the future!”

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Ya, I hear what you guys are saying. I was at an extreme low point when I first became psychotic. I literally hit bottom. Totally penniless. Not a dime in the world and homeless. It makes sense but it’s SO hard to shake. These brain researchers keep telling my brain I am the Savior. I wish they would shut up so I could go on with my GD life. It’s really hard. Sometimes it takes awhile to shake delusions. My pdoc had someone recently get rid of hers after 2 years. She is back to 100%. Not even on meds. My delusion keeps me disabled. I am literally on SSDI because of it. I try to just see the humor in it and be patient.