Conflicted and confused over feelings

Lounge
1

It’s 1:30 in the morning and I can’t sleep.

I keep thinking the same thoughts over and over again.
“How do I feel about [friend]”?

I love him to death. But do I love him as a friend, as the brother I never had, or more than I should?

Every time I think to myself that I’m probably a little bit in love with him, he goes and gets mad at me for stupid reasons, which in turn makes me angry and frustrated with him.
But.
There are also times when we’re together, where I blush for all kinds of reasons. And his eyes are so blue sometimes that I find it hard to break eyecontact, and he dislikes eyecontact.

I don’t know.
I really don’t know.

I don’t want to have a crush on him, it would be very inconvenient.

I like to think of myself as a logical person, and logically, I would get nothing out of it.
I know I’m not his type, he has an on-and-off girlfriend, and I’m 98.5% sure he doesn’t see me as anything else than the sister he never had (he keeps saying we have a brother-sister relationship)

So even with all this logic telling me to stop this nonsense and move on…
I am still losing sleep over it.

Whyyyy?

And why can’t I figure out how I feel, or just decide on friendly love?

2

there must be something there if you’re thinking about him this much, don’t ya think?

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3

I really hope not.
I’m so annoyed with myself over this that I could cry. And I rarely cry.

4

If you chase the boys, they run away,
If you act not interested, they’ll be interested in you.
Over-analyzing the time your with him takes the ‘special’ away.

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5

usually when I act not interested, they tend to think I’m not interested :stuck_out_tongue:

But I see your point

6

How can you like someone as a brother and have a crush on them? makes no sense. :frowning:
Maybe you just feel close to him as a supportive person.

Sounds like some platonic love honestly and if you spend a lot of time with someone, it is only natural to feel closeness…

Are you attracted to him sexually?

Maybe it is some sort of obsession too

7

I’m not attracted to anyone sexually, but I have fantasized about kissing him.

I don’t know how I can like someone as a brother and have a crush on them, when you put it that way, it sounds kinda creepy, lol :stuck_out_tongue:

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8

yeah so you are attracted to him in a creepy way :smile: I am kidding!
So just you spent a lot of time with him so you have a crush I guess.

Have you confronted

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9

No, I haven’t told him. And I don’t think I ever will unless he directly asks about it.

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10

whyyyyyyy?! You should tell him . :frowning:

Just find the right time and make it clear because spending more and more time with him is gonna make things worse :frowning:

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11

You are so right, @mermaid1!

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12

But I don’t want him to want to spend less time with me, I really enjoy his company :confused:

13

yeah … up to you to decide. Seems a bit unhealthy honestly

14

That’s what I’m worried about. I don’t want to obsess about him and I don’t want to cause myself unnecessary pain, and I don’t want to do anything to make things awkwarrd or uncomfortable between us

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15

@Berru, some more music for you:

https://youtu.be/gDNxqtsIxps

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