It’s 1:30 in the morning and I can’t sleep.
I keep thinking the same thoughts over and over again.
“How do I feel about [friend]”?
I love him to death. But do I love him as a friend, as the brother I never had, or more than I should?
Every time I think to myself that I’m probably a little bit in love with him, he goes and gets mad at me for stupid reasons, which in turn makes me angry and frustrated with him.
There are also times when we’re together, where I blush for all kinds of reasons. And his eyes are so blue sometimes that I find it hard to break eyecontact, and he dislikes eyecontact.
I don’t know.
I really don’t know.
I don’t want to have a crush on him, it would be very inconvenient.
I like to think of myself as a logical person, and logically, I would get nothing out of it.
I know I’m not his type, he has an on-and-off girlfriend, and I’m 98.5% sure he doesn’t see me as anything else than the sister he never had (he keeps saying we have a brother-sister relationship)
So even with all this logic telling me to stop this nonsense and move on…
I am still losing sleep over it.
And why can’t I figure out how I feel, or just decide on friendly love?