Here I am
with a chemistry in my veins
Again
Look at the glory of sunrise
Did it just stick the tongue out?
The Sun goes to reunify
with the evil smiling God
Oh Lord where did i take the wrong path?
Heal me or kill me or love me or burn me
Cuz i cant live in your eternal wrath.
An update: He did not answer yet
are you real god
or make believe?
do you give
and recieve?
do you weep
when things go wrong?
do you stand
while all is wrong?
do you hear me
or are you deaf?
do you know
whats on my breath?
can you see me
and my desire?
do you wait by the water
when iām nearer the fire?
do you love me
or am i lost?
do you want me
to count the cost?
the cost of living
with a burdensome heart
with schizophrenia
as a black mark,
a stain on my soul
that is hard to remove,
an old record
thats lost its groove,
am i worthy of your attention,
or have i foundā¦?
Redemption!
from an old Judy Collins song, something about Jacob āGod doesnāt answer me, and he never will.ā Thatās the God I believe in.
Yeahā¦heās a silent guy.
I think the gist of the song was - itās our questions that count.
Here it is.
Thats very wise. Iāll try to remember it.
Games
Too young to gamble ā
young in games.
You lost your lucky card
as it was trampled
by the passing crowds.
You sat down to play
a simple game with too few
rules. Drew a hand
you never played,
instead stood up as the wind
came around again.
All the wild cards ā
Which led you to the
hall of cards
wandering. All the
lost faces consumed you
as laughter reached
from the tent out back -
Till the time came around
again to sit at the table
angry-jawed. They dealt you
one or two good cards
but being young at games
you couldnāt bluff
But sat as the dealer eyed you
with a compassionate eye.
Hye, the evening left you, alas
with a few pennies.
You put them in your pocket
lined with with stale
cookies and sat at dusk
Queen of the Pigeons ā
Outside the realm of barkers,
You chose your game.
get your game on
on the game
on the ball
take the ball out of the park
take it out of the ball park
go play with the trees
and the buses
go play with yourself
and other people
there is always time to play
but what game?
the game is always on
so get in character
and play your heart out
for we all love to see you play
the game of life
the game of love
and the game of conscience
love that game
he shoots, he scores
you are only ever a true winner at heart
so keep them balls coming
keep on rolling, just roll.
Thought the theme was flowers? But OK whatever.
No idea if I posted before or not on the siteā¦
What is this pain I feel
That takes hold of me
From time to time.
A blackness that engulfs me.
Hollow from the inside.
Yet sometimes it just seems,
Like it never happened.
I glide among my peers,
With wit and charm.
Like I belong.
The weeks flow among the rest.
When a voice turns.
Thatās not right.
What you did the other day.
My confusion begins.
Chaos burns.
As I struggle and fall.
Just trying to stay ahead.
Just trying to stay a float.
Until I wake.
Shadows of what I have done.
The mistakes I have found.
Beyond the expected norm.
The faces always talk.
The blame is directed towards me.
As I sink and think.
About why Iām like this.
Thoughts become dark.
Light doesnāt shine anymore.
I realise Iām alone.
What is this pain I feel
That takes hold of me
From time to time.
A blackness that engulfs me.
Hollow from the inside.
- The Night Time -
Little cats prowl through the dark of night,
A hoot owl hoots in the moonlight,
By the white of his back I can see a skunk,
On his way home staggers a drunk,
He drank to dream, drank to scheme,
But now a shame he can only seem,
A snake searches for his night time prey,
About which the wise old owl can only say,
āI too have my night time business,
And if I need Godās forgiveness,
Iāll ask him why he made us this way.ā
Little life known but chaos has found
A change in self so hard to define
Actions taken choices made only whatās left is hollow in side
Flinging punches at what I canāt see.
Always to turn up to bother me
Feels like Iām traveling down a one way tunnel travelling in the wrong direction
Always fighting for my own protection
Afraid of myself and what I may do
With the next episode which is way past due
I learn what I can so itās not the case
Still trying to find my way my place
When nothing seems real and nothing seems right
Please donāt give up that fight
thorns
thorns twisting on a whispered vine
turning blood water into wine
quenching the thirst of a barren wilderness
making sweet music in to bliss
thorns like shackles around my temple
a crown from a grove of petalless hues
stapled to this wooden bulk outstretched
my last gasp was for youās
I really like these two.
Pain
A thorn is to embedded
in the foot that
the wanderer bears
To take seat and fester
to worry
the callous tread.
The mind doesnāt know
what disturbs thought
as the the hand forages.
Till she has to stop
survey for pain
and the pearl is found.
love it pob 
especially the 3rd stanza 
you fat ā ā ā ā , you alcoholic prick
you can kiss my arse and suck my dick
your mind can have you believe anything
but this chick aināt buying the ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā within
no photo, no film, no musical lyric
no proof to change the mind of a cynic
believing in this aināt something i#ll be doing
ideas of reference? ā ā ā ā you and your crew in
my head, in my bed, in the car, in the street
twelve pm is where we never meet
yakety yak on a clickety clack line
yellow is the new black running through my mind
itās a farce, itās a game
letās drive the chicks insane
tick tick tick tick tickety tock
and if she donāt believe just give her some more cock
breaking and entering every single time
deador alive, i swear to god your arse is mine
abusing little kiddiewinks
theyāll love yur arse in jail
and as you americans say
you can write me through snailmail
and tell me how you liked it
prey tell me did it hurt?
how many cocks can you fit up there
was your arsehole fit to burst?
chop chop so they tell me
no matter what i do
so smile for the camera fuckwit
coz the next chop chopās for you
you know youād better chop me up
or i swear iāll ā ā ā ā ā ā ā haunt you
track you down and do to you
what every parent ought to
how very brave of you
to send in a platoon
just to deal with little kids
and a mother gone too soon
your parents must be ever so proud
to call you one of theirs
but anyway iām getting off topic
i apologse, i digress
the reality is there is no proof
of all your ridiculous claims
merely rule out the implsusible and
youāre left with fortune and fame
a guy with an entitelment complex
who thinks heās above the law
even puts himself before god
which excites me even more
for when it cmes your time to die
tell me how scared will you be?
knowing all the people youāve maimed
just coz of little old me
whatever happened to hitler?
aināt nobody sen his ghost
oh dear oh dear oh dear my friend
who should be scared the most?
iāll leave you with that thought my dear
as my time grows ever nearer
an eye for an eye it doth state
can i make it any clearer
so goodnight, gawd bless. hee hee hee
i may not see them come
to drag you straight to hell my āfriendā
for all that you have done
wow, thats a good poem but i sense its fraught with pain, like it is good but also tragic,