…instead of get myself in legal trouble,
mess up my week,
and loose my job?
first instinct?
suicide hotline.
not a danger to myself,
but crying out to express exasperation,
the bugs,
they crawl, they run, they sting,
everywhere,
nonstop,
i used to sleep with a beer and alkaselzer cold and 30mg seroquel
but nothing does it anymore,
feeling like i can’t breathe from the physical stress,
i went to TM class today,
took me to a deep place,
what a mistake,
i annoyed the whole hive of the ghost bugs,
they freaked from the threat,
is my theory,
i sit here in the dark
there’s no way there’s gonna be any kind of sleep
i’m gonna keep crawlin through the night,
keep crawlin in the cubicle at the 8 to 5,
inside i’m crying, calling out save me,
outside i know better,
well i guess typing here is the first sign of disaster,
30 minutes ago i thought about the phone,
911, or the hotline, or the insurance nurse,
all big mistakes i’ve made many times,
i have a great life,
51 years old, mental and spiritual peak,
but the body in severe distress,
i went to the amazon jungle and swam and bathed,
came back with bubbly stomach
32 years ago,
a few months later it began,
i escaped periodically,
pristine raw veggie diet,
pdoc never did anything but make me drowsy in the swarm,
shamans said hold two rocks under the water,
while it’s as if
ten people circle me with pins,
poke me every 15 seconds,
they aren’t real cause they never rest,
the invisible flies land on my face,
i remember way back in new york,
when they were real,
i’d role up a new york times and track each down and go back to bed,
but these are ghosts,
there’s no kill site,
there’s no off button.
ok thanks,
see why i can’t pick up the phone and say that???