Breaks from psychotic thinking

Today I’m seeing glimpses of clarity. Finally some normal experiences. Maybe there is light at the end of the tunnel.

I’m finally starting to return from this trip to schizo land.

Anyone else have similar breaks from their symptoms?

I have been feeling better for about 6 months or so now. I dont here voices anymore and most of my symptoms are controlled. I do have bouts of paranoia when I have to leave the house and the neighbors are outside but I can deal with it. My biggest symptom now is lack of motivation but its getting better. I think this antidepressant Im on is starting to work. I just hope things continue to go this way. I know I talk a lot about getting off the medicine but I think thats because I am doing good. I would like to see how things would be off of it but everyone including my pdoc says it will be a bad idea. So I am kind of inclined to stay on it for now. The biggest thing that hit home with me is my aunt Liz (she is sz too) told me she got off the medicine about a year ago and after a short period she had to get back on it because she got really paranoid and her symptoms started to return. I would also like to try and get off disability and go back to work as a truck driver but everyone is telling me that would be a bad idea too. Maybe ill start off small with a part time job…Im told that I can have one and stay on disability too. I think maybe this summer ill start looking for something. Anyways, this is where im at right now.

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Yeah you can work part time and earn up to 1070 or so dollars before taxes basically doubling your available money. I tried working a few times since the onset and it hasn’t worked out. Watch out for stress.

I’d stay on the meds they are working after all.

Don’t count on overnight recovery. It takes years of work to come out of psychosis of the kind you describe. You need some program or organization and work within their framework. Doctors aren’t going to do it. I wouldn’t trust glimpses of clarity. Some normal experiences are welcome, but they don’t stay long. I’ve been in a mental health group for three and a half years and making good progress.

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Then main portions of my symptoms have subsided but I will be randomly triggered to varying degrees and when it does happen it will literally being me to my knees.

While I used to fight it i sort of found a way to become lucid in the right moment and let my body absorb the idk how to call it but wen it happens I fall into a trance an my eyes roll into the back of my head and if I fall asleep I enter a dream where I deal directly with the issue my psychosis wants me to process. It’s hard to describe this process. But in the dreams a woman brings me to confront a sort of villian and if I confront him the parts of myself that feed the voices are taken back no longer held by fear pain and shame.

Avoid playing into your symptoms. This will only keep you in the psychosis. You don’t know anything real when you’re in a psychosis.

Thanks I’ll keep and eye on this and not let my hopes get up to high. It’s just nice to feel normal again even if it is just for an hour or so.

@martinhersey totally agree. It’s a long haul it’s the marathon

I’ll tell you this by making it all about my symptoms it caused me fear and shame and that’s what feeds the punitive nature of the psychosis.

If you have had sleep paralysis you might be familiar with the hatman of that dark entity that feeds on fear and suck the life force out of your chest.

You basically need to confront that dude ad take back the lost parts of yourself.

The thing to hold onto is compassion love that knows no bounds and learning about the true nature of forgiveness which is a terrifying excruciating visceral process.

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I hear ya. A lot of it is fear, which might be rooted in an imbalance. Get stuck in a cycle of feeding voices just by fearing what they might say.

I am having a lot of moments where I’m see past the ■■■■■■■■ and observing people and the world the way it supposed to be. These are good signs.

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This past year has been the most lucid I’ve ever been through. There were definite breaks from the internal chaos.

It’s taken me a very long time to learn small steps.

Then of course there are flair ups or something will happen that will hit the button and open the gates. But I’d like to think I’m getting better about letting the wave ride out.

@mat3372
I just wanted to say… about the job… starting part time is a very good idea. I had to get into the habit of working full time.

If I went from no job to full time… I wouldn’t have made it. It’s mentally and physically exhausting at first.

But a few hours… gather the strength. Work up to a good part time like 20+ and then work up…

Truck driving has long hours… but it’s also rather solitary I’m guessing. I’d say if you want to be a truck driver… maybe e-mail some driving schools and get a feel for what you have to do. Good luck.

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You have to pass a medical exam to be a commercial driver. If you have qualified for disability for schizophrenia that is highly unlikely.

It takes a long time for the clouds to part, but they can. Positive thinking helps.

The thing that really helped me was finally being able to work. While I was In School I got jobs. Just a very slow progression of responsibilities.

And yes a year of not being able to work or study but not giving up and trying again. You can word a resume without mentioning dates that may show gaps.

I also had to confront a dark character. I chose God’s love above all. I think it’s a test. The thing is, when reality’s lines blur and converge, symptoms of spiritual awakening bring about complex adventures and trials. I don’t feed into a delusion, I personally choose to believe that there is a such thing as good and evil, while that being determined by our choices. Without a conscience, innocent or insane, it becomes a moral task to define what constitutes truth. If you have schizophrenia it becomes a task to define real versus fantasy. I know the lines blur. I defended myself against the agents of darkness by expressing my insatiable love for the divine and exploration of the subconscious suppressed mind. I know that there are various ways to combat the divined state of being, but also the accompanied truths of revelations about the nature of God, Soul, and Mankind.

To deny that evil exists might be a mistake. I’ve witnessed elements of the face of the devil. Many of his faces arise out of sickness and deceit, selfishness and confusion. I do not attempt to oppress insight. When I had a psychotic episode I felt like I had died, literally and metaphorically. I became bombarded with extra sensory information, hallucinations where I could hear an entire conversation or thought broadcast out loud when I turned on the radio.

How is that possible? Is the memory of the mind that capable of producing a phenomena where you can hear and recall an entire thought or conversation broadcast through radiowaves. I did not dive further into the subject, though, and it stopped. This happened once or twice. I also noticed electrical phenomena. Batteries that surged in certain areas where lines of power were, like I could see waves or something. I could see electricity in the air, that was odd and that scared me as well.

Evil is brought into the world throught the actions of men (and women like that suicide bomber ) I think demons can temp people that are ill or separated from God to do bad things.

I used to believe that sz was caused by demons but now I read not. I’ll have to look up that reference and post at work where I have a full computer.