A little disheartened

I am a fish out of water in this world

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So am I, but even though my life is filled with difficulties, it’s not as bad as the lives a lot of people lead.

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I don’t live a bad life here. I just don’t belong here. I never have.

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Me neither. I’ve met very few people who feel this way more than me. Even all the outcasts at my high school had a little confidence by their senior year. Not me.

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aww you guys, how very sad you feel that way. I’ve always been weird but luckily I can make people laugh so I didn’t feel SO weird as I really was. I guess I think of being weird as being unique now. I think we as schizophrenics are a lot brighter than the average joe.

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It only affects me occasionally. Usually I’m oblivious to it and go about my business.

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I fit in very well. I am a generally well-liked person.

But it’s because I understand human social behavior on a deep level and so can fairly easily imitate it. The same way I can interact with dogs and other animals because I understand their social behavior.

I just don’t belong here. I’ve known that for as long as I can remember.

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I feel we should make a schizophrenia.com island and co-exist with one each other because it seems we have all in common

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I wouldn’t let it get to you. We are different, we see two realities and flip back and forth between the two, but we are still people just like everyone else. We suffer more than most people, we are diseased, we do things differently. Like today at a family lunch, I had five coffees. I mean that is weird. The waitress probably figured I was mental or sleep deprived, perhaps both? lol

I mean we aren’t bad, we aren’t bad people because we are different…I myself like to do well because I think that we have a bad rep and that I myself used to have a bad rep. I fixed myself up because I knew that it was a possibility, and now I aim high because I continue to do better and better.

Normal people sometimes understand. Educated normal people do understand. Every once in a while I meet someone who completely understands. I hope to spend the rest of my life with someone who understands some day, I will probably be much older, like at least 27 before that happens.

I love some normal people. Most of the people I love are not per se normal, they have things wrong with them. I mean disorders. Some mild, some severe. I just identify with abnormal people because I am the pumpkin king, I am Jack, king of the pumpkin patch, the star of Halloween town. Seriously I am the pumpkin king. I like it. Being a uncannily highly functioning schizophrenic brings me joy, immense feelings of satisfaction at times, but most of the time I am not satisfied. I want more and more. I am doing very damn well in undergrad but now I want to get a Ph.D., for example. I have social skills and am extroverted again but it makes me lonely and want a significant other. My dream is to become a clinical psychologist, write about this illness from the inside out and get married and just be at peace, be done with being an angry young man, be done with feeling like I am not who I want to be.

We do belong here, on Earth, in society. Being a member of society is the greatest thing we can do, given our hand in life. Whether it is your fate to become a professional and expert or just earning minimum wage with no education, we do have places in this world. I reject the idea that we are just survivors. We can do more than survive. Surviving our episodes, our bad days, bad weeks and months, bad years, bad decades, it is not all there is. We can live while we survive, we can live well. We might be a little funky and maybe people can tell that we are different, that something is wrong with us, but that is a fair trade for the gratification of having a life.

You’re doing well in school, you posted about that. Just embrace reality. It’s right in front of us.

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Hey thanks, this was a really thoughtful post. You’re a good guy, mortimer.

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You really have to find your own tribe,**

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Thanks, I aim to please. :slight_smile:

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Oh I love my friends, they’re all sweet goofballs.

I guess what this post was really about was that on the day I made it I was very embarrassed about all these mistakes I’d made that day, since my other world tends to make me very scatterbrained and so I mess up a lot. I was doing volunteer work and kept messing up on the easiest things. I even fumbled on simple menial tasks like hanging my jacket on a hanger.

It made me feel like a fish out of water, because when I’m in my dream world I’m not like that at all. I’m totally on top of everything and fantastic. And then I come back here and have to deal with my cloud brain and clumsy body and it’s just bah. It’s just because I’m out of my element. I wish people could know that.

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We are bound by physics law, and hence, our thoughts are more faster and powerful than our words expression and any possible actions.

Anna, this thread is meaningful as it raised an important question about our existence and sociability in the world.

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Hi Anna, do you mind elaborate more about ‘social behavior on a deep level’?

I am interested in it. Something to do with effects like ‘telepathy’?

Nothing to do with telepathy. I just really understand people and why they act in certain ways, and how to behave around different types of people, etc.

I’m also a pretty excellent judge of character. I can generally tell what kind of a person someone is just by looking at their eyes. I also read social cues real quick. I get frustrated a lot when other people don’t do the same, because I can easily notice the second someone loses interest in a conversation and it makes me wanna cut off whoever’s talking lol.

I dunno I just got good social skills. Hence why I cover everything up so well. Hide the weird under charm and charisma and you’ll never get locked up, that’s for sure haha.

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This explains some of the hard crashes to earth I’ve been struggling through these past few days.

You explained it so well.

I’ve been having a hard time fighting through something… one moment… on top of the world… in control… coordinated… complete understanding…

The next… fumble… forgetful… and flattened. I’m getting so tired of this odd swing.

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